It happened one morning in November 2014. I remember the day like it was yesterday because that’s the day when everything changed—in my dad’s life and mine. When I was 18, my father unfortunately suffered a stroke which made him become paralyzed on the left side. This affected his mobility and capacity to take care of himself.
Since becoming a caregiver, the way I like to define it is everything that you would do for yourself, you do for another person. This includes mainly assisting him with his daily needs such as meal preparation, cutting his fingernails or hair, rubbing location on his skin, exercise, medications, peri care, and providing emotional support. We also receive help from personal support workers which admittingly has both advantages and disadvantages. I would do absolutely anything for my dad. I oftentimes try really hard to allow him to keep his independence as much as possible and to find creative ways so he can still maintain his hobbies.
As my dad is now living in a wheelchair, my family and I have had to make our home accessible for his needs. We’ve also had to purchase specialized equipment and other medical supplies. The extra expenses and financial impact of caregiving often go unnoticed or not discussed enough.
Although it can be a lot to handle all at once, as a caregiver, you just naturally become a master of figuring out how to balance your caregiving role with school, work, relationships, life, etc. Also, finding time for self-care isn’t always the easiest. I find myself incorporating self-care into my caregiving routine such as sharing a meal with my dad or watching TV together. It’s an interesting dynamic having the privilege to take care of a parent. I always try to encourage him and remind him that he is funny, smart, generous, and a great father.
My biggest advice for other young caregivers is to be in tune with yourself and keep track of how you are feeling. Are you tired, drained, overwhelmed or stressed out? It’s easy to lose patience in these moments. Give yourself credit—you’re doing the best you can; and give yourself compassion—it’s not your fault you are put in this situation. As a young caregiver, it can feel like you’re the only one, when in fact there are over 500,000 other young caregivers in Ontario in the same situation. You’ve survived all your bad days when things do not go as planned, and all the good days too. Recognize how resilient and strong you are for everything you’ve gone through and continue to go through. My dad always says, never give up and it’s true.
Learning to take breaks is also really important. Caregiving can be a lot of early days, late nights, or sleepless nights. Make time to do something fun for yourself, even if it’s watching your favourite show, sleeping, taking a shower, listening to music, scrolling through social media, or anything else that you enjoy. It’s also important to not keep everything bottled up inside. It’s natural to worry about the person you care for, their health and what the future looks like. It’s important to find your support network in whatever way works for you—maybe it’s talking to your family, a counsellor or joining the OCO peer support groups. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help.
Being a caregiver is honestly a superpower. We are constantly doing and giving to others. The bond you have for the person you take care of is so strong and so special that nothing or no one can ever take that way. Continue to be a self-advocate and really advocate for services or support that you or the person you care for needs. It is such an amazing gift to love the person you care for so much to want to help them.
Being a young caregiver has taught me a lot about myself. I am much more patient, compassionate, and empathetic to others. My caregiving experience has also influenced my career choice. I’m currently pursuing a master’s degree in disability studies. I want to help build a more accessible and inclusive world for all people with disabilities.
When you’re a caregiver, your world tends to revolve around the person you’re caring for. Oftentimes, I remember how lucky I am to still have my dad in my life and to savour and cherish each moment that we have together. It really has strengthened my bond with him as I value every day so much more.
