At 12 years old, I began providing caregiving support for my father who has mental health and substance use challenges. My caregiving role entailed a lot of emotional support for my dad and managing things within the home, including taking care of my siblings. For me, and maybe for other young caregivers out there, it didn’t feel like I had a choice. My dad needed help and my brothers needed a stable home.
To the outside world it might not have looked like I was a caregiver. My friends never knew and neither did my teachers. There’d be times when I’d be up all night helping the household and then have to go to school. Sometimes, I’d get so caught up in what was happening at home, or worrying about what might happen, school wasn’t a priority. My grades suffered.
I learned the hard way that it’s important to set and maintain boundaries. You have to be careful not to lose yourself in your caregiving role. I missed an exam once because my dad called me in crisis—only to find out it wasn’t an actual emergency.
Since moving out of the home to attend university, I provided less day-to-day caregiving support. However, when an illness is chronic, recovery is a life-long journey. I have no doubt that I will be brought into provide support again, especially in a crisis. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I think one of the biggest challenges young caregiver faces is not knowing you’re a caregiver. Young caregivers are people who are 12 to 25 years old who care for someone with some sort of challenge and through that role there often are consequences. Maybe, like me, you’re not able to do schoolwork as well as you could if you weren’t in that position. Maybe you can’t hang out with friends.
My biggest advice is to not do it alone—help is available if you need it. Peer support is huge. It really does help to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through. The other important thing to do is take care of yourself. Give yourself breaks, even if it’s just for five minutes. Find what works for you, like going for a walk or listening to music. I do meditation. Make your own mental and physical health a priority.
There are so many ups and downs to caregiving, and it has impacted me in many ways. Being a caregiver has made me more empathetic and more attuned to other people. And it’s given me confidence in how I approach challenges.
My experience as a young caregiver has totally shaped who I am today. I went to university to become a social worker and I currently work as an engagement lead with youth and families experiencing mental health challenges. I’m also pursuing my PhD in Applied Science. My goal is to create pathways to care for youth who are experiencing mental health and/or addiction issues. I also volunteer as a peer mentor for the Ontario Caregiver Organization. I want to use my lived experiences to help guide and support other young caregivers.
