Tips for Caring for a Friend Struggling With Mental Health

Caring for a friend who is suffering with mental health can be challenging. Below are some tips on how to best support your friend.

Listen and Understand

The best first step is to gather a better understanding of how your friend is feeling. Here are some sample questions you use:

Is there anything specific that’s been bothering you or making you feel this way?
How has the way you’ve been feeling impacted your daily life?
Are there any thoughts or feelings you’d like to share but haven’t had the chance to?

Avoid asking too many questions at once. It’s important to remember that your friend doesn’t want to feel interrogated or overwhelmed. Therefore, ask one open-ended question rather than many closed ended questions.

Ask Them How You Can Best Support Them

Everyone has a different way in which they want to be supported. Asking this question will let your friend know that you care about their individual needs and will also help you gather the information to best support them.

Offer your Support

While it is important to listen to your friend and how they want to be supported, you can also voluntarily offer your help. Here are some suggestions:

Offer to go to therapy with them
Offer to help them create a “safety plan”
Offer to try a new coping activity with them such as painting or going for walks
Help them find other supports such as a therapist or social worker at their school/work

Establish Boundaries

As much as you want to see your friend improve their well-being, remember that you must look after your own well-being too. While supporting a friend who is struggling, it is common that they may request something of you that you are not comfortable with. Saying no can be challenging; if you end up in a situation where you have to say no, here are some tips for navigating that conversation:

Apologize for not being able to support them in this way, while being honest about why
Remind them of the ways in which you are able to support them
If possible, direct them to someone who can help them with their request more fully

Feel free to look at the Tips for your self-care webpage for more in-depth tips on managing your own well-being.

Remember: You Cannot “Fix” Your Friend; You Can Only Support Them

Despite your best effort, your friend may still struggle with depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. It is important to remind yourself that you are not to be blamed for these situations and they are outside of your control. Therefore, your goal is not to “fix” your friend; rather, offer your support by being a reliable source of comfort and someone to listen to.

Resources:

Call the 24/7 caregiver helpline at 1-833-416-2273 (CARE) to speak to a Community Resource Specialist
Use our live chat to find resources in your community and join the conversation in our online forum
Search this site for information, resources and support
Talk to your family doctor or your loved one’s physician, or other health care provider. Bring a list of your questions with you to appointments
Call 211 or visit www.211.ca for free and confidential information about Canadian health and community services available in your area

Additional resources:

OCO – How Can I Help Someone I Care for Access Mental Health and/or Addiction Support?
“If Only”: Self-Blame After a Loved One’s Suicide by Dr. Stacey Freedenthal

Written by William Pereira, Young Caregiver